Noah Cyrus didn’t ‘want to be alive’ while battling Xanax addiction

Noah Cyrus is reflecting on her battle with an addiction to Xanax and her recovery journey, which began in 2020.

The 25-year-old singer opened up about her recovery in a lengthy interview with PEOPLE, during which Cyrus shared how her sophomore album, I Want My Loved Ones to Go With Me, was a “healing” factor during her recovery.

“I feel a huge disconnect from the girl who was really struggling with addiction and the place that I was in,” Noah told the outlet of getting addicted to the downer while in a former relationship in 2018.

Cyrus, younger sister of Miley Cyrus, recalled how an incident during an interview in 2020 was a major indication that she needed a change. The singer first described the turning point during an interview with Rolling Stone in July 2022, during which she shared that while doing press for her album The End of Everything on an international television, she started to pass out mid-conversation.

“I was completely nodding off and falling asleep, and unable to keep my head up or keep my eyes open, because I was so far gone,” she said at the time of the interview that never aired.

Looking back on the experience five years later, Cyrus admitted that she’s “just really deeply saddened for myself, because only you really know what you’re feeling inside, and it’s a feeling that I don’t wish on anyone, to not want to be alive anymore.”

She added, “I very much encourage people to talk about things if they’re open and if they’re ready to try to seek that help for themselves. Because I do think that you get to another point in life if you have the ability to try to take on the challenge of working and working on that process. I think there is a place that you get to where you have a much better outlook on things, and you start to see a much more positive place that you’re going to get to.”

Battling her addiction has led Cyrus to a new love and the potential to enter a new stage in her life: motherhood.

The singer went public with her relationship to fashion designer Pinkus in April 2023, two months before the songwriter shared that they’d been engaged for a month.

Cyrus told PEOPLE that meeting her fiancé, who inspired the song “I Saw the Mountains” on her new album, led her to the realization that she wants to be a mom.

“This is something that I want more than any other goal in my life,” she gushed. “And that also ignited so much more excitement for me.”

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She added, “I want to be alive for this; I want this to happen. And that was just something that I wasn’t used to feeling, because before, I didn’t really feel that connected to life. So this is a very strong place that I’m newly in; I’m in the happiest and best, most secure spot I’ve been in in a very long time . . . and I think that the album was a huge helping hand in getting to this place.”

I Want My Loved Ones to Go With Me is currently available to stream on all music platforms.