Theo Vassell celebrated the first goal for Salford City by jumping, with outstretched arms. He also had two clenched fists and two clenched fists. His goal against Leyton Orient in February secured a 2-0 victory to keep his team alive for League Two play-offs.
Vassell, who is a centre-back looked happy.
He felt depressed four days prior, as he sat in Sutton United’s away dressing room after a 0-0 draw.
“We got a clean sheet, but I wasn’t myself,” he explains. “After the game I started crying. Nobody saw, I had my head down. My eyes were flooded with water. I felt lonely. All the players were happy at a decent result, but I just couldn’t be happy with them, much as I wanted to be. I sat there thinking, ‘I can’t keep going on like this.’”
Vassell was familiar with the feelings, as he has struggled to control his mind his entire life. He joined Stoke’s academy aged nine but, before he turned 16, he underwent counselling and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
He is now 25 and feels at ease talking about the time he tried to end his own life as a teenager. “Everything felt pointless,” he reflects.
Those kind of “demon thoughts” are firmly in his past, but he still experiences dips. In 2019, he was unable to play for Port Vale because he was struggling with depression. Except for the manager, the doctor, and physio, nobody knew why he was absent.
In January, he was forced to withdraw at half-time after colliding with Colchester. Salford was trailing 2-0. “My anxiety got so bad my body was shaking,” he says. “I had a headache, felt like I was going to pass out.
